I attended a funeral service and listened to a young woman speaking about her relationship with her mother. She asked her mother, “What is your favorite color?” The mother responded, “I don’t know what is my favorite color.” The young lady went on to say that her mother was so busy taking care of everyone else that she never recognized her own wants, needs or personal things that made her happy. Also, as a daughter, she did not take the time to find out her mother’s wants or needs. It was a poignant moment.
Let’s dissect it a bit. First, mothers and daughters have a very special relationship. However, sometimes the relationship can be very tumultuous. Although there is great love for one another, the turmoil usually begins in the teen years and continues throughout the aging process. Mothers know best and daughters think that they know it all. It’s a bad combination.
Dr. Janice Hooker Fortman wrote a book titled, The Secrets of How Not to Throw Mama From a Train: The Relationship Between Adult Daughters and Their Aging Mothers. In this book, Dr. Fortman states that a mother-daughter relationship is “frequently extremely difficult and unpleasant and at other times, it is loving and great.” The relationship can be complicated, emotional and full of love. Yet, sometimes mothers and daughters do not know enough about each other. Somewhere and sometimes there is a communication glitch.
This happens worldwide and across all races and ethnicity. The glitch comes in when everyday life, routines, work, and other demands become priorities. Days are filled with too many tasks and not enough time to take a moment to call or stop by to visit mom, dad or anyone that is important to you. When a visit or phone call occurs, everyone is on a schedule and the conversations are all too short and bittersweet. There is no time to get down to the crust or no time to ask what is your favorite color.
Now let’s make it personal! One day you will run out of time and you will not be able to ask the important questions. So starting today, ask this question to one or more loved ones. “What is your favorite color?” I asked my mom today and she answered, “It’s navy blue!”